Adele, you frighten me

Oh hey there everyone!! So Ive been gone for a few months. I could tell you that its because I got a book deal, and Ive been spending all my free time working towards earning the multi million dollar check I received but I think we all know that's a load of crap. Actually, the real reason Ive been absent is that my loving husband broke my laptop after attempting to show me a pic of a naked dude from some movie with the hopes that we could debate whether or not the dude's penis was real or CGI. After I yelled at him "don't fucking click that link, its going to be a virus" about 7 times, he did it anyway and my computer is now being controlled by some 12 year old in Guam--credit where credit is due, my good friend Ashley came up with that line.

So yes. I decided today that its time to get back in the saddle, even if that means trying to write and draw pics on my husbands computer which sits atop a giant fucking desk where my feet don't reach the ground, and I continually struggle to find a comfortable position for the time it takes to do one of these. So you dirtbags better appreciate this. I was kind of uncomfortable for a few hours today on my day off from work while I sat and wrote nonsense and drew childlike pictures on one of our households 2 computers.

Ok so I'm sure you have heard of the singer Adele. If you haven't, this is what she looks like:

 She blew up in the United Stated after releasing her second CD, 21, in January of 2011. She had a previous CD, called 19---that she released when she was 19, creative!--that didn't do as well on the American charts, and whose only real success was some horrid song about chasing pavements, which I never understood and always wondered "who the hell sings this piece of crap?" whenever I heard it come on the radio.

21 was a different story. There are 10 songs on this album, and musically speaking, they all sound pretty good. Adele is undeniably talented, and the range and depth of her voice is kind of amazing. I decided I liked this enough to want to own it and rushed out to *buy* this CD. After *getting it home*, I listened to it nonstop for about a week. Even my husband liked Rolling in the Deep---before it was destroyed by being played every 34 seconds on every station know to man. And I admit that I was excited to see a chubby female solo artist making a name for herself---"good for her, what a great role model for young women everywhere! excuse me while I go throw up the 20 piece McNugget I had for lunch."

Like I said, I really did enjoy 21. Until the day I realized that this entire CD perpetuates and encourages people to stalk the fuck out of their exs. Now before you get all defensive, I get that Adele is young. She obviously got dumped by her first love, and this CD is her way of expressing all the feelings she feels inside about that relationship and the subsequent end to that relationship. Fine, great, whatever. But you can make a great CD about being dumped and not sound pathetic or insane in an uncool way: i.e. Jagged Little Pill. Alanis was able to take her pain and transform it into this giant beast of anger and rage, and when you listened to it, you knew that Alanis was hurt, but that she was not about to take it lying down, she was ready to kick some mother fucking ass. The only time you got a hint at the actual sadness Alanis was feeling was the hidden track that everyone thought they were super cool and the first ones to know about it.

The reason I get upset with Adele, after actually listening to the lyrics on this CD, is that I think about how fucking pissed off I would be if Adele were my husbands ex and I had to deal with this shit. I mean, really, look at some of these. I'm only putting up three examples since I'm lazy, but this sentiment can be found in almost every song but Rolling in the Deep:

"Don't you remember, Don't you remember the reasons you loved me before?

Baby please remember me once more"~Don't you remember

I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again

I put my hands up, I'll do everything different 

I'll be better for you

I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again

I put my hands up, I'll be somebody different I'll be better for you"~ I'll be Waiting

AND THE KICKER, all the lyrics to Someone like You. Holy F:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/adele/someonelikeyou.html

I mean, what in the hell was she thinking? She basically says, I know you're married and happy, but fuck that, I'm going to stop by randomly and unannounced because "I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it" ......is this not the exact definition of stalking? I'm fairly certain it is. And even though every song isn't this blatantly insane, the entire album encourages  rampant sentimentality, that its ok to live in the past, that its perfectly acceptable to waste your entire life waiting for someone to love you again, and that changing everything about yourself so that someone will love you is alright.What?? My feelings on that:

So as much as I acknowledge the talent of Adele, if I were her ex boyfriend's current wife, Id probably take out a restraining order....and make sure our address and phone number were unlisted....and invest in a solid security system. And I get that when you are alone after a breakup that you didn't initiate, its hard not to remember all and only the good things about your ex and the time you spent together. But there has to be a point when enough is enough and you are able to step back and move on with your life. So Adele, do the women of the world a favor and make sure your next album is about how rich you are now and how awesome your life is since this loser dumped you. Otherwise he wins. And that's really what life is all about isn't it? Making sure you life kicks more ass than your exs'. 

Thanks for stopping by. Have a good Monday.

~Maria