Im Working Today

Alright so, I started working on Fridays a month or so ago, and I figured its time to admit to you that working a 10 hour day on a day where I would normally be spending 5 hours to create a new masterpiece for you  is starting to stretch me a little thin. So some weeks you will have a wonderfully long post full of lots of hand drawn pictures and well transitioned paragraphs, and limited spelling errors, and other weeks, like this one, you will get a few paragraphs and maybe some picture I found on google images since I was late for work and I'm scheduled to see 8 people today, and since this blog isn't helping me to pay my Qwest bill, I must defer to actually doing work while at work. See? I don't even like cats, and look at what I'm forced to resort to in the name of trying to hurry the fuck up:

 So because I am so terribly pressed for time, I'm going to list some actual real life things that have happened to me in the last 48 hours. Maybe this will help you to understand why this blog exists:

1) A gay man told me I'm built like a brick shit house.

2)  I watched an old lady in the grocery store go through a bag of cherries, pick out the ones she didn't like, and then hand them to the cashier while yelling angrily: "Yes, well I don't think I'll be taking these 5 home with me. I don't think I would enjoy eating something like that at all." and then she proceeded to take 10 minutes writing out a check for $7. ** Please see my posting on My Struggles With Ageism, aka why it was difficult for me not to slap the shit out of this woman after witnessing this spectacle**

3)  I watched my dog eat like 15 of those big, hard beetles that come out in summer after dark, that fly into your face and get caught in your hair. I tried to stop him, but the light on the deck was on, and because of this there were like 700 of them out there flying around stupidly and slamming into the sliding door, and bouncing off my dog's head and he just kept catching them in midair, and I was too scared to open the door since I knew that 50 of them would get in the house and crawl into my shirt, so I just stood watching him eat bugs to his hearts content safely behind the glass.

4) I ate a chipotle burrito without any rice. Because they forgot to put it in there. I wouldn't recommend it.

5)  A blue jay followed me for a block while I was on a walk. It kept hopping from tree to tree staring at me. I don't know what this means. Either I'm magic, or hes magic. I'm betting its me.

6)  I watched a dude with goggles on and spandex shorts do stretches in the middle of a bridge by my house. Do you need goggles for running now? I'm not hip, I don't know these things.

7)  I went to target and purchased  two things: a Stouffer's large Mac and Cheese and a can of pumpkin filling.

8) I ate an entire box of those ice cream cones with the chocolate coating in the inside. And they have that end that's filled with solid chocolate, and when you get down to it, you hope you still have a little bit of ice cream left so that you can pretend you are a giant holding a person sized ice cream cone, or alternatively, you will be able to find a squirrel or other small mammal and make them hold it and eat it the tiny cone like a person would for your amusement.

9) I started to reread the last Harry Potter book again because the final movie is coming out soon, and I want to be able to judge how accurate the movie is in comparison, and because that book is like 900 pages long, I have difficulty remembering all the details, so I started high lighting in it to ensure I remember which scenes to get pissed off about after they fuck them up, or change them.

10) I took a picture of myself and my dog with the phone on my camera, and ended up capturing what looks like some type of ghost or portal on the screen instead and then I deleted it because it was scaring me too much, and I couldn't stop looking at it. 

11) I attempted to creep by the blind man that fills our vending machines because I didn't want to bother him while he was working, so I tried to be extra quiet, but that sneaky bastard heard me and then I felt like an asshole because I didn't want him to think I was avoiding talking to him, I just didn't want get in his way, but how do you explain that to someone without sounding schizophrenic? Answer: you cant, so I just mumbled a awkward hello and took my breakfast sandwich back to my desk in shame.

12) I have checked the radar on my phone over 50 times. Its tornado season, you can never be too careful.

13) I debated whether or not I could come into work today wearing VS sweatpants with the reasoning being 'my washing machine broke'. I determined I would probably not be able to get away with this.

14) I opened a packet of Gushers that was entirely all red ones.
15) I woke up at 4:50am wondering why in the fuck birds sing every morning so god damn early during the summer, and I lay there thinking about what would happen if they didn't sing, and I decided the sun probably wouldn't come up or they would all explode, so given the alternative, I guess I will just have to deal with being awoken before my alarm and having to shut my window every morning for the next 90 days.

The End: