What Are You?

Good Morning  People of the World

I'd like to start out by stating that anyone that can tell me specific instructions on how to make a cake that looks exactly like this:

I will give a hundred dollars to. But only if I attempt to make the cake based on your instructions and the result actually looks similar to this picture. If I'm way off, I'm going to say its a result of your shotty instructions and is in no way a reflection of my skills as a baker. I like to think a cake like this can solve all of the worlds problems. 

Ok so since there are like 5 of you out there that don't actually know what I look like that read this crapfest on a weekly basis, I look like this:

 The point of that was to show you that by my standards, I appear to be of Caucasian descent. Sure, I tan well in the summer, and have dark curly hair, but my facial features are clearly European in nature. I am Italian and Slovak, and my people come from the poor areas of each of these countries, even though my Italian grandmother lies when people ask what part of Italy we came from since shes embarrassed. South Side Represent!

Throughout my life, people have always assumed that my ability to tan, my dark curly hair, and a first name of Maria means I'm (gasp, exciting!)  some exotic Nationality. I think the mathematical equation looks something like this:

And throughout my life I have been a constant disappointment to these people who after boldly asking me "So what are you?", literally get a frowny face when I tell them "I'm Slovak and Italian". They pout and are instantly bored with me. I have even had  one guy say "oh well that's nothing special" as he, I can only assume, turned to go find someone with a more exciting bloodline to talk to.

Ive always wondered, firstly, who the hell these douches are that think its ok to ask someone they just met what are you, and secondly, why my being of European decent is such a downer to these weirdos. My conclusion is this: I live in the Midwest. Which according to Wikipedia: "Non-Hispanic Whites make up 79% of the Midwest's population, the highest ratio of any region" So yeah. The Midwest is comprised of mostly honkies and honkie children that aren't used to seeing people that look different than themselves, and thus are easily disappointed when they think they are meeting a Brazilian or Hawaiian or a bi racial person, only to find out its little old plain European me.

But it's not just honkies that assume I'm not white. 50% of the time I entered a Chipotle back in college--back when they were still hiring Hispanic workers--whoever was building my delicious burrito would immediately start speaking Spanish at me, very fast, and with the assumption that English was in fact my second language. I would try to catch up and respond in a semi-intelligent fashion, but its pretty difficult to be funny or clever in a second language when the only time you get to use it is in 45 minute increments 4 days a week over a span of 6 years. So my standard reaction to this when it happens to me now, is to start singing "Vamos a la Playa" since that seems to make Hispanic people happy. Its like the Latin culture's version of More Than a Feeling ; everyone knows it.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCVQpcY1au4

And if that video didn't make you happy, then there's just no pleasing you.  That close up of the dudes shoes at the end is pretty spectacular.Casa Vision!! That's House Vision for all you non Spanish speakers.

So I guess I have just learned that no matter the race of the person, I'm going to make someone sad if I don't lie and pretend to be something I'm not. And overall, Ive decided that I can live with that, even though I'm a people pleaser by nature. And as boring as being Italian and Slovak might be, my family's meatball recipe is bomb, and my possible Slovak gypsy roots means I get to run around barefoot all summer and wont get ringworm since Ive built up an immunity in my gypsy blood. Hooray!

 So be proud of what you are today, no matter what that Nationality may be. Unless you are German. If you're German, its probably best to just lie and say you're Dutch or Scottish or some other Nationality that is less evil.

That's all for now.  Have a good weekend. Have fun. Oh and go ahead and listen to some Boston since I mentioned it and now I cant get it out of my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm_-sW4Vktw&feature=related

~Maria