Alright so I listen to lots and lots of different types of music. And as the dude who did my tattoo last weekend pointed out to me, the older you get, the busier you become and the more likely you are to stop trying to find all the underground and indie and super secret type bands that you used to listen to back in your youth. I can agree with this, as I think it applies pretty well to a majority of people. For me personally, I have never been one to seek out music that is not mainstream simply for the fact that I'm too lazy to do the research. If its not being played on the radio, or if its not in a movie soundtrack, or if its not being prostituted by Apple for an IPod Nano commercial, I probably haven't heard it. Any underground or Indie bands I like, have been brought to my attention courtesy of friends and acquaintances. So thanks to those of you who either hate mainstream radio, or want everyone to think you hate mainstream radio because it makes you seem hardcore. Either way, your dislike of the All American Top 40 has exposed me to some pretty kick ass bands. I am in your debt.
What inspired me to write this post is the all encompassing recent success of a virtually talentless blond chick named Ke$ha. That's not a typo. Her name has a money symbol in it. Be jealous. Or be angry. Either way. Ke$ha came on the scene in late 2009, with her single Tik Tok. And by all respectable standards, she is terrible. She doesn't actually sing in her songs, but rather does this odd rap/talk/hum thing that ends up making her sound like she is about 3/4 into a bottle of Bacardi O. And the first time I heard Tik Tok, I hated it. My brain couldn't process what the hell it was hearing. I distinctly remember looking at my husband and saying "What the fuck is this shit? Did she really just say 'Wake up in the morning feeling like PDiddy' ?" But........after hearing it a few more times.......it started to grow......on......me. It even hurts to type it. But its true. I found myself getting excited after jumping in the car on my way home from a long day at work if I turned on my radio and heard ..."pedicure on my toes toes". I'd crank that shit up and find myself rap/talk/humming along. How can this be??? I know music. I know this sucks. I know its awful and that she is talentless and that there are hundreds of other musicians out there with actual talent just waiting and hoping to be discovered, and here I am supporting someone who doesn't brush her hair and happened to be lucky enough to fall into a record deal. But it's like crack, and I can not get enough.
She has released several more singles, all of which have followed the same pattern for me. I hate it, I hear it again, I don't completely hate it, I hear it again, I kind of like it, I hear it again, I actually like it, I hear it again, I fucking love this, this is my jammmmm!!!!!! Its a vicious cycle. And it hurts all the more because deep down I know its awful & what a waste of space she is.
Take her most recent single "Take if Off" This honest to god has got to be one of the most trite, unoriginal, auto tuned pieces of shit music to ever be recorded. And the first time I heard it, you guessed it, I really hated it. I mean, the premise of the song is based on that chant you used to say when you were kids "There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance" You know what I'm talking about. I remember even as a 3rd grader I didn't like that rhyme because it seemed so stupid. Well, Ke$ha took that stupid childhood chant and turned it into and even stupider song for big kids. And to my dismay, I have found myself hoping to hear this song when I get into my car. I still hate the rhymey-ness of it. I do. But every time I hear it, I find myself thinking, hmmmm. This hole in the wall shes talking about sounds kind of sweet.....I like glitter on the floor.....I like seeing hot people take off their clothes.....freaks are usually pretty fun. I want to go to this place. Wherever it is. Take me with you money-symbol-in-your-name girl. I want to party with these freaks you speak of. The guilt I feel afterward is palpable. I usually hang my head in shame and go home and sit under the hot water in the shower for 45 minutes.
So. We have established that Ke$ha is in fact awful. We have also established that I am attracted to her horribleness and am unable to fight the urge to listen to this garbage. And based on the title of this post you are probably waiting for the punchline, for my inevitable defense of my bad behavior. Well, its not coming. I lied. I have no good excuse as to why I like this shit. I also like Justin Beiber, and old school Brittany Spears, and 3OH!3 and I fucking love the Pussy Cat Dolls. I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore. I finally came out of the closet. I know liking pop music isn't cool. It isn't bad ass. Its lame. And if you aren't ok with that, you can go to hell. Because I just wanna dance. And most of the time obscure, random, weird bands just don't do it for me when I want to get my swerve on.
So I say to you: today, or this weekend, if you are in your car, or in a club, or in line at the grocery store, or walking around Lake Calhoun, and you happen to hear some terrible, contrite piece of garbage and you find yourself starting to tap your foot in time to the beat, do not be ashamed. You raise your head high and proudly do your thang.
I will leave you with this amazingly inspirational quotation from one of my favorite Ke$ha songs:
" I don't really care where you live at
" I don't really care where you live at
Just turn around boy let me hit that
Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat
Just show me where your dicks at"
Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat
Just show me where your dicks at"
Now if that isn't brilliant songwriting, I don't know what is. Have a good weekend lovelies.
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