So. I've decided Im trying out for Roller Derby this year. Aside from the fact of wanting to impress you, there is a reason Im making this announcement public. After going to a Derby store in Minneapolis, and meeting the various patrons and employees there, I got to thinking about different lifestyles and social affiliations and how the hell they have all come about. I mean, you can find a group, a club, a gathering, for just about any and every single thing in this world there is to be interested in. For example: Did you know that Worm Club meets once a month in Room 2052 at noon in Kelly Lab at Georgia Tech to discuss what I have to assume is the fascinating & all encompassing world of natures most misunderstood non-arthropod invertebrate? Because it does. Google that shit. Or--Bing that shit--ahh yes the search engine that proves its coolness superiority to Google simply by using screen saver backdrops that change...every day! Pssssh only old people and babies use search engines that advertise with primary colored letters in their displays. But I digress.
Worms not your thing? How about Nutella! Its that stuff that looks like chocolate peanut butter that Europeans and college students who have spent a semester abroad like to eat and feel superior about eating. "Wait, you still buy Skippy? No no its still cool to eat something you enjoyed as an infant. Loser." There happens to be an 'I Love Nutella' online support group where you can "Anonymously connect with people who share your experience". You can also "Read true personal stories, chat & get advice, support and help from a group of 84 people who all say I Love Nutella" Now.....hold on a minute. I think the only reason I would be ashamed to admit I love Nutella is if I was using it as shampoo or if I planned on somehow incorporating it into a murder I was outlining. Other than that, why does one's Nutella obsession need to be anonymous? And are there really only 84 of you in a population of 6 billion? Sad face.
How about the Society for Barefoot Living founded in 1994? Down with Shoes and their Marxist Ideals! Or the "I hate Chicken Pox Club" on Mumsweb.com 1) Who really enjoys infectious diseases? and 2)Mumsweb? Get over yourself England.
I think you get the picture. Im tired of flipping back and forth between Google--Bing can S my D, Thesaurus.com and this blog. Point is, if you are into something, and want to find other people out there who are just as crazy as you, go for it. They are out there and are eagerly awaiting your arrival.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Stupid Stuff...God Im articulate
It's been a while! And Im back by popular demand....and by popular demand I mean 1 person asked me 3 weeks ago "Hey didn't you used to have a Blog or something?" Fail.
Anyways, Ive been thinking and I realized that I have an unnatural tendency to want to do things that are either very stupid, or that could kill me..or both. For example, probably 75% of the time Im riding shotgun in a car on the freeway, I get this intense urge to slam the car into reverse. Like, I have to tell myself several times in a row, "Dont be a f-ing moron, nothing good can come of this." OR "This isnt your car. You dont want to be responsible for killing the driver" AND " Get your hand away from the shifter thingy". Now, I dont know very much about cars(see: 'shifter thingy' paragraph 2, line 7), but I can assume that if one were to force a car going 65 mph into reverse suddenly and without slowing down, Im fairly certain the car automatically explodes. Its science. See thats the fucked up thing. I know it is dangerous and stupid. But I cant help it.
Another one. Pull up next to a cop at a stoplight,I want to gun it off the line. As soon as that baby turns green, Im stomping on the gas and blowing this A hole out of the water. Why?? Do I like giving dolla dolla bills to the city of Minneapolis? No not really. I dont know why. It just happens. 99% of the time I end up turning down my music and using my peripheral vision to see if he is staring back at me thinking Im trouble for coming up to a stop light blaring "Ice Cream Paint Job" out of my salvaged Corolla. Cuz Im so Hoooooood.
More non-vehicle related ones I want to do: Leaning way too far out over the railing of a balcony, knocking someone off of their bicycle as they ride past, jumping on a really tall stranger's back just to see if I can jump that high, yelling 'Bomb' on a plane, feeding Alka-Seltzer to a Seagull--dont act like you have never wanted to do this just to see if it works. You have. Stop lying to yourself. Its unhealthy--unplugging someone's video game right before they get to the final fight scene and havent saved yet, giving a baby a lemon.
So most of these are just mean. I dont know what that means. It could be because, as an only child, I didnt ever get to experience picking on a sibling, and instead was forced to pretend I was a dog to entertain myself, and drank out of a bowl on the floor. Sigh. I do know, I haven't ever actually done any of these things, but that fact doesnt seem to make me want to do them any less.
Anyways, Ive been thinking and I realized that I have an unnatural tendency to want to do things that are either very stupid, or that could kill me..or both. For example, probably 75% of the time Im riding shotgun in a car on the freeway, I get this intense urge to slam the car into reverse. Like, I have to tell myself several times in a row, "Dont be a f-ing moron, nothing good can come of this." OR "This isnt your car. You dont want to be responsible for killing the driver" AND " Get your hand away from the shifter thingy". Now, I dont know very much about cars(see: 'shifter thingy' paragraph 2, line 7), but I can assume that if one were to force a car going 65 mph into reverse suddenly and without slowing down, Im fairly certain the car automatically explodes. Its science. See thats the fucked up thing. I know it is dangerous and stupid. But I cant help it.
Another one. Pull up next to a cop at a stoplight,I want to gun it off the line. As soon as that baby turns green, Im stomping on the gas and blowing this A hole out of the water. Why?? Do I like giving dolla dolla bills to the city of Minneapolis? No not really. I dont know why. It just happens. 99% of the time I end up turning down my music and using my peripheral vision to see if he is staring back at me thinking Im trouble for coming up to a stop light blaring "Ice Cream Paint Job" out of my salvaged Corolla. Cuz Im so Hoooooood.
More non-vehicle related ones I want to do: Leaning way too far out over the railing of a balcony, knocking someone off of their bicycle as they ride past, jumping on a really tall stranger's back just to see if I can jump that high, yelling 'Bomb' on a plane, feeding Alka-Seltzer to a Seagull--dont act like you have never wanted to do this just to see if it works. You have. Stop lying to yourself. Its unhealthy--unplugging someone's video game right before they get to the final fight scene and havent saved yet, giving a baby a lemon.
So most of these are just mean. I dont know what that means. It could be because, as an only child, I didnt ever get to experience picking on a sibling, and instead was forced to pretend I was a dog to entertain myself, and drank out of a bowl on the floor. Sigh. I do know, I haven't ever actually done any of these things, but that fact doesnt seem to make me want to do them any less.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
If you take yourself too seriously, you should know Im laughing at you.
We all do embarrassing things. Say dumb shit. Leave the house with toothpaste on our shirts or talk to someone for 45 minutes and then once we get home realize we had a huge f-ing piece of food in our teeth, and no one said anything.
Guess what? I pick my nose. I do. So what? Everyone does.
There are people out there who think the sun shines out of their assholes. These are the people that will take 57 pictures with you deleting one after one after one until they feel like look acceptable. But really, what the hell does the ability to take a perfect picture really mean? (I said really twice in 1 sentence, ish.) Others manifest this philosophy by taking every opportunity to look at themselves in window reflections, side view mirrors,the reflection in your sunglasses, puddles, bowls of soup, Christmas ornaments, you get the drift. I do think most sentient beings have a natural urge to look at their own reflections-i.e.dolphins, chimps, Lindsey Lohan, BUT! The key is to overcome the urge to do this in lieu of more rewarding experiences.
Some take their intellects too seriously instead of looks....usually ugly people, but that is neither here nor there. They have read more books than you, have been to better restaurants, written better papers, gotten higher grades on tests, have a better knowledge of what constitutes good wine--on this subject I will say I drank Boones Farm until Junior year of college, and think its both delicious and reasonably priced--visited more countries, know more important people, blah blah blah. They, much like the 'I-am-the-hottest-piece-of-ass-this-side-of-the-Mason Dixon Line' people, need to feel validated through non important facets of being. Part of this isnt their fault, as we have been conditioned to think things such as clothing labels, BMIs, number of degrees, and such are what constitutes being a successful member of the human race.
And its hard, really hard to realize that these things dont matter. And you can realize it and forget it a thousand times a day, and still never have it down completely. The important thing is that you keep remembering. Its ok to look silly. Its ok to say stupid shit. Its ok to admit you think Burger King Chicken Fries taste good. That you dont mind leaving the house unshowered in crappy sweatpants and tennis shoes from 7th grade. My fiance does this every weekend. He is a successful mechanical engineer and he works with important people in his company. He just doesnt give a shit if you think he looks stupid in dirty sweats when he runs into you at a restaurant or at Home Depot. Thats what Im talking about.
So you should know, if you take yourself too seriously, I do laugh at you. So knock it off. I promise it will make you feel better.
Guess what? I pick my nose. I do. So what? Everyone does.
There are people out there who think the sun shines out of their assholes. These are the people that will take 57 pictures with you deleting one after one after one until they feel like look acceptable. But really, what the hell does the ability to take a perfect picture really mean? (I said really twice in 1 sentence, ish.) Others manifest this philosophy by taking every opportunity to look at themselves in window reflections, side view mirrors,the reflection in your sunglasses, puddles, bowls of soup, Christmas ornaments, you get the drift. I do think most sentient beings have a natural urge to look at their own reflections-i.e.dolphins, chimps, Lindsey Lohan, BUT! The key is to overcome the urge to do this in lieu of more rewarding experiences.
Some take their intellects too seriously instead of looks....usually ugly people, but that is neither here nor there. They have read more books than you, have been to better restaurants, written better papers, gotten higher grades on tests, have a better knowledge of what constitutes good wine--on this subject I will say I drank Boones Farm until Junior year of college, and think its both delicious and reasonably priced--visited more countries, know more important people, blah blah blah. They, much like the 'I-am-the-hottest-piece-of-ass-this-side-of-the-Mason Dixon Line' people, need to feel validated through non important facets of being. Part of this isnt their fault, as we have been conditioned to think things such as clothing labels, BMIs, number of degrees, and such are what constitutes being a successful member of the human race.
And its hard, really hard to realize that these things dont matter. And you can realize it and forget it a thousand times a day, and still never have it down completely. The important thing is that you keep remembering. Its ok to look silly. Its ok to say stupid shit. Its ok to admit you think Burger King Chicken Fries taste good. That you dont mind leaving the house unshowered in crappy sweatpants and tennis shoes from 7th grade. My fiance does this every weekend. He is a successful mechanical engineer and he works with important people in his company. He just doesnt give a shit if you think he looks stupid in dirty sweats when he runs into you at a restaurant or at Home Depot. Thats what Im talking about.
So you should know, if you take yourself too seriously, I do laugh at you. So knock it off. I promise it will make you feel better.
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