A Plea to All Sanctimommies

Alright I havent been this worked up in a while, and I know you all miss my angry rants of yesteryore, so lets just skip the pleasantries and dive right in.

Many of you have heard of and probably follow the blog STFU Parents http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/. Written by Blair Koenig, It is a fabulous chronicling of what the world of social media has done to parents. More specifically, how social media has turned what we can assume were at one point normal functioning people, into hyper defensive, sanctimonious, oversharing monsters--none of which would be possible without the fairytale land that is the internet. Out of all of the submissions Ive seen, there is one type that makes me so angry I feel like stomping a carton of eggs to death--The Sanctimommy.

Sanctimommies are women who are so much better at mothering than you, that you should probably call CPS on yourself immediately and request that your child be sent to their home for permanent placement. They are hyper aware of the latest trends in baby research and wont hesitate to tell you that the specific brand of organic strawberry you are feeding your 7 month old has actually been found to cause a 1-2 point drop in SAT scores. They are so great at being moms, that they have to tell you how great they are at being moms...over & over again. They also have a habit of publicly shaming other parents whose parenting is, in their opinion, well below acceptable levels. And finally, they can multitask an Asian sweatshop under the table. Basically, they are better than you, their kids are better than your kids, and you should just stop trying, because frankly, your attempt at parenting is embarrassing.

You'd like to think Im exaggerating. Im sad to say, my friends, that Im not. There are women in the civilized world that find it necessary to talk this way about themselves and their day to day experiences. And there are probably some sanctidaddies out there too, but Ive yet to see an example as aneurysm inducing as the things that come from the female gender.

Perhaps you are thinking, whats the big deal? So they are good moms and proud of it, whats wrong with that? To you I answer--bragging is bragging is bragging. Judging is judging is judging. Just because its about the holiest of holies job of motherhood doesnt make it ok or any less annoying to the rest of the normal world.

The thing that really grinds my gears is that being a first time mom, I KNOW how fucking hard it is!!!!  So being constantly reminded how easy it is for you and how you are able to be an amazing wife, mother, teacher, and chef while staying in shape and loving every minute of it!! makes me want to chokeslam you into a brickwall. Im stoked when I remember to take out the garbage on trash day AND manage to get my child down for a nap--even though the things are completely unrelated--I did 2 things today, hooray!. Im happy when I dont resemble a homeless person at least 1 day a week. Im ecstatic when Ive managed to assemble something echoing a meal before 9pm at night. The thing is, when I DO have these small victories, I dont tell anyone. Why? Because nobody gives a shit about the day to day things in my immediate family, except my immediate family.

You shouldnt feel the need to tell everyone these things all the time. If there wasnt crapfest FB or twitter or Zoosk, would you feel so inclined to call that chick you had one class with in college and tell her you knitted your baby a sweater from organic alpaca wool? Would you write her an email letting her know that you couldnt believe you watched a woman in the grocery store give her son one M&M as a bargaining tool to get him to stop crying ? NO! The answer is no. The only reason you feel comfortable telling everyone any of this tripe is because you get to hide behind a profile picture.

And in case that wasnt enough of a reason for you to knock this shit off, heres an even better one--there are women in the world that are trying to raise families in terrifying and unlivable conditions. Women whose goal for the day is simply keeping their family alive and safe. Syria. Iraq. Africa. These women are the true Supermoms. They are the ones who get to brag at the end of the day. Because really, compared to them, none of us know anything.

So do me a favor. If you are reading this and getting offended, take 5 seconds today to think about why you post the things you do. What is your end goal in telling people how much better you are than everyone else when it comes to parenting? What do you really get out of judging others for being less awesome than you at raising kids? Just think about it for a bit. See if you can come up with any good explanations. If you cant, perhaps its time to do some self reflecting and figure yo shit out. Please stop being a douche. Thank you.

And if you are reading this and saying hey that sounds like somebody I know, go ahead and create a fake email and anonymously send them the link to this blog.

And lastly, if you, like me,  just shoved half of a burnt poptart down your throat while trying to explain to your 5 month old that its physically impossible  for you to remove the dirty diaper that is causing him so much woe while he has both feet in his mouth, I say, right on brothers and sisters. Keep up the 'Im doing the best I can without losing my shit" parenting style. Your kids are going to be fine.

Mine is

Have a great week players

~Maria