Rest in Peace Mom

I don't really know how to begin this. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.

I know this story isn't unique or special. Not writing this for sympathy or attention. I'm writing this to let others out there know that they aren't alone. Because I felt and still do feel so alone in this pain. But I'm trying very hard to remember that death is something we all have in common. All of us will experience it. Some of us will lose everyone we love. Some of us only a few. Some of us will be the ones whose lives are cut short, and we will be the ones being missed. But all of us will have to deal with death eventually.

My mom Holly Marie Stadnik died on Wednesday October 22nd 2008. She had been living in Abbott hospital in Minneapolis, MN waiting for over 2 months for a heart transplant that didn't come in time. My mom honest to god, was 100% my best friend. I went to her for everything. Cared about her opinion the most. She was funny & smart & pretty & an awesome cook & people loved her, even if she didn't realize those things about herself. She had a really difficult life. But she always kept going. Always kept trying. Always found humor in everything. The hole her death has left in my life is hard to describe. I've had people ask me "how do you move forward, how do you keep going after losing your mom?" My answer is simply, you just do. It doesn't mean you do it particularly gracefully or honorably or anything. My answer is, you do it because what else can you do? Losing someone so close rips out this huge part of you. And you can either keep moving forward, or you can crawl in a hole and never come out again. There are many days I wish I would have crawled in the hole.

I don't know where my mom is right now. I don't know if she can hear me when I talk to her. People say she can, and as much as I want to believe that, I just don't know if she really can, or if me wanting her to be able to is all that there is to that. I don't know if the people we love that are gone can see us, see what we are doing with our lives, or if they even care. I don't know if when we die we just stop, and everything goes black, or if we float down this tunnel of light to this awesome place where all of our friends and family and pets and things we love are waiting for us. I don't know.

Sometimes I dream about her. Sometimes I think I feel her around me. Sometimes I get this buzzing in my ears which I heard can mean there is energy around you. My ears have been buzzing since last night. But I cant tell you conclusively if any of those things are verification that whatever form of my mom is around me. I cant. But I do hope that its her.

Take today to count your blessings. That sounds corny, but really, do it. No one really knows why we are here, what happens when we die, if there is anything more than this life. People think they know and that's fine. Some say faith or religion or science tell them the answers to these questions but when it comes down to it, none of us really know. In the last few years I have decided that the purpose of my life anyway is to make connections. That's what its about. So be happy & grateful today that you got to wake up this morning. Be thankful that you have at least one person in your life that loves you. Be happy that you have gotten to experience so many cool things. Be happy you've gotten to experience really shitty things too. They make you more appreciative of the cool stuff.

And if you have a minute, say hi to my mom Holly. I don't know if she can hear you. But do it for me. It makes me happy knowing there are others out there thinking about her, remembering her. Feels like it keeps part of her alive if other people don't forget her either.


Rest in Peace Mom. I love you & miss you.

Holly Marie Stadnik

June 12th 1957--October 22nd 2008

26 years of living with hair: A Photo Anthology

Morning readers. Hope your day is going well. This is out early because I wrote it last night. Sometimes I cheat.


I was born with hair. It didnt start out curly, but it eventually got there. Im a firm believer that society places women with curly hair in the following categories: insane, hippie-ish, ugly, unfashionable, wild, and flighty. In scary movies/psychological thrillers where the female lead is being portrayed as insane, there is 75% she will have curly hair. Dont question me. In televison shows--ex Ugly Betty--Betty is seen as unfashonable and is often shown with frizzy, not smooth locks, and when tranformed into something pretty, her hair magically straightens. One time I watched American Idol and there was this chick singing with super curly hair. I think she had made it through the first few rounds. She was gorgeous. And had a hot body. But the fist thing they told her to do was relax her hair, make it straighter. I threw my Roundy's White grape juice container--we are classy and often drink right out of the bottle in Q town-- right at the screen. One time in 8th grade, Mickey Cease told me that I would be hot if I straightened my hair and dyed it blond. Gah.

Needless to say, but I will anyway, over these past 26 years I have developed a complex about my hair that Im just finally getting over. There are still days it bugs me, but it no longer makes me feel like a piece of shit on a regular basis. To help illustrate the reason why my hair has played such a big role in my life, I have decided to share some home photos with you fine people.
Begin.

I was born pretty much bald...and with a really big head. My hair didnt pose much of a problem for me in these early days. I did however enjoy lilacs and relaxing on faux fur blankets. I still do:

A year in and I had a splendid growth on my head. What better way to celebrate your infant daughter no longer being bald then to make her look like a bastard child of one of the Monkees. Note the creepy molester car over my left shoulder watching me play in my front yard:

Your eyes aren't deceiving you. Thats 100% genuine mullet. Old ladies would say "Oh what a handsome little boy" to me even when I had a dress on. Im serious.



Alright, mullet got old, how about we try some flip action. The only problem is, at this point my hair was already beginning its descent into curliness, so the thickness made my flip look like a wig. It wasnt a wig. I woke up with that shit every morning. Also, every girl child under the age of 16 had that fucking teal & pink Huffy:

2nd grade and mom decided Big Bows and perfectly styled bangs are the answer. Aww I actually look cute in this one. PS-This begins the Saga of Prints. This probably has a lot to do with the reason I wear almost nothing but solid colors now as an adult:


Alright! 3th or 4th grade and we are lucky enough to witness the infamous side pony with giant bow and poof bangs. Why Im dressed like a Mime and have a terrifying mask pin attached to my shirt, we may never know. That pin seriously scared me. Also, please note this was the year I realized the giant gap between my front teeth wasn't socially acceptable and is the reason my smile looks like Im hiding my teeth. Because I was:


Enter 6th grade and the year I believe I am old enough to do my own hair. Mom was nice enough to let me try. And the result:
Troy Polamalu's son wearing a jester cap. I dont understand it either. Oh & sweet overalls:

So middle school is in full swing and I realize simply combing my hair out after it dries and letting it just do its thing isnt as gorgeous as I first hoped it would be. Here is the year I start trying hair products to tame the beast. Gel. No one should ever use gel. This is take your daughter to work day by the way. I look like a fucking cocker spaniel:

This picture showcases my overuse of gel, my attempt at dying my hair through the use of hydrogen peroxide and the resulting orange bangs, and my addition of braces, which, when you have teeth the size of an infant, makes you look like Little John with a new grill on instead of a simple awkward teen with metal in her mouth. Believe it or not I actually had boyfriends during these years. It must have been my outstanding personality:

And thus ends our photo anthology. Im ending with that picture because it is the lowest point on the totem pole of my hair's life, and after this year we begin the climb back up into the realm of self acceptance, tolerance, cooperation, and occasional attractiveness. Thank you for sticking it out through this magical journey.

A word to all my curly hair brothers and sisters: Dont let Carrot Top ruin it for us. Keep on keeping on.

Am I supposed to eat this or have sex with it?

Good Morning Readers. Fall is in the air. Which means in 3 days it will be snowing. So soak up the good times while you can, because in this godforsaken state the nice seasons only last 1/4 of the year. I am discussing weather again. This is apparently my go-to opener when I'm too lazy to think of anything more clever to open with. Lucky you.

If you watch even an indiscriminate amount of tv, I hope that you've noticed that commercials started getting weird about 5 years ago. It began slowly, but in our current state, this epidemic has blossomed to ridiculous proportions and makes me angry and confused any time I sit down and turn on the television.

I will start by saying, yes. I am aware that Sex sells. I am also aware that the douches who work in advertising are getting paid the big bucks to create 10-30 second visual stimuli that's sole purpose is to make you want to buy something you either normally never would, or don't in fact need. Ok fine. That's their job. I also understand how playing into one of the most basic, primal urges of nature might be a good strategy for getting people interested in buying your crap. But. Advertising has crossed the line when it comes to using Sex as a means of tricking people into buying shit.

Beer commercials, lingerie, diet pills, body wash, perfume, lotion, hair products. These are the things I can expect to be advertised to me in a sexy way. Fine. Because aside from beer, all of these things revolve around physical appearance, which gets you thinking about sexy people, which in turns makes you crave physical contact. And you cant have the sex without physical contact. Even the Amish have contact when they do the nasty, even if that contact is through a hole in a sheet. **Side Note: The Amish are the best religious group to ridicule via the internet. Unless you print this off and hand it to one of them, they can never get outraged at my mockery. Point me. Aside from the above mentioned items, I shouldn't be forced to think about sex when watching a commercial for toothpaste or shoes or car insurance. Its confusing. And I already have a difficult enough time as it is without wondering why I'm getting tingly feelings listening to some chick talk in a sexy voice about PopSecret fat free kettle corn.

So. Here are my Top 3 What the Fuck/Why is this Sexy/I'm super confused/and possibly turned on Commercials:

3) Carl's Junior Teriyaki Pineapple Burger being eaten by dumbass chick from the Hills

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2j3l6xOqTc

Ok, what the mother fuck? First of all everyone knows that this girl does not eat at Carl's Jr. Her gold bikini was probably more expensive than the ingredients to make 300 Teriyaki pineapple burgers alone. Also, hamburgers aren't sexy. They just aren't. Steak, sure. But hamburgers, no. Its the ground up parts of the cow that aren't good enough to be sold the way they were attached to the animal. How does that make me wanna get my freak on? And lastly, have you ever tried to eat on a beach? If you went out into the sand with a burger of that size, I guarantee that you would be surrounded by 500 seagulls within 3 minutes. Being pecked and shit on to death is not my idea of sexy fun.

2) Betty Crocker Microwaveable Brownie Bowl

Chocolate and sweet desserts or confections aren't a huge stretch when making the connection to sexy times. But does the chick's voice really need to be dripping with sensuality when describing a prepackaged brownie? Does she really need to make the O face when biting into this bowl of dessert for the first time? Now I'm the biggest fat kid in the entire world. In fact, yesterday I got enchiladas from the food court at work, and then half way through my meal went and bought a 6 piece McNugget and large fry at the McDonald's next door because I couldn't stop myself. So I'm not judging the magic of food and the joy it can bring a person. I just don't think the joy is one that makes blood rush to difference orifices in your body. Lets just call this Brownie bowl what it is, shall we. We shall. Your single serving Betty Crocker Microwaveable Brownie Bowl means you are at home alone on a Friday night, not out on a date with another human being, and are too depressed to in fact actually make brownies, but rather are using a form of radiation to heat up a small single serving of dessert that will be marginally satisfying at best. There. Not feeling so frisky now are we.

And best for last 1) Uncle Ben's Instant Rice?!!

I tired really hard to find this commercial online, but I'm guessing the ad agency that came up with it is too embarrassed to make it available for unrestricted public viewing. So instead you just have to believe me. About 6 months ago I witnessed in horror a commercial for Uncle Ben's Instant Rice that featured women talking super sexy about how delicious and romantic and sexyhot Uncle Ben's rice is.....thanks to the magic of Direct TV, I rewound it like 5 times to make sure I wasn't imagining it. They were telling me how Uncle Ben's can set the mood and bring the spark back into an otherwise boring dinner. And the chick in the commercial kept sexily putting spoonfuls of rice into her mouth while giving the "lets bang" look to the camera...........................are you kidding me? Its rice. Its an orange box of rice. With an elderly African American man on the cover that's dressed in clothes from the 1920s. Its even named after him. Uncle Ben. There are so many things wrong with this commercial I cant even list them. To summarize I don't want to think about instant crappy food that features elderly men on the packaging that also uses the word Uncle in the title when I'm considering getting it on. I just don't. I'm sorry.

So my advice to you today, would be turn off your tv to avoid these advertising monstrosities and go ride bikes.

Have a sexy weekend.