Valentine's Day 101: Hi my Name's Maria and Im Romantically Inept. "Hi Maria"

Good Morning everybody. I hope this Friday finds you in good health and spirits. I'm in decent health and moderate spirits from eating Totinos Party Pizzas every night for the past week since its -27 here, and going to the grocery store to buy real food is not only laughable, but semi-dangerous as well. I'm sure my body has absorbed enough preservatives in the last 7 days to preserve me for decades after I pass from this life.

Being that Valentine's weekend is fast approaching, I figured we could talk about Love and Romance....and more specifically what it's like being a cynical piece of garbage like myself and still trying to incorporate these two things successfully into a relationship. I can start out by telling you, it's not easy. Especially if you are a chick. I'm supposed to be the one that has a shoebox full of old napkins and locks of hair and mixed tapes that memorialize specific romantic moments in my current relationship.

Well, here's the thing: I don't.

To be honest, I don't even know where the small collection of birthday/v-day/anniversary cards my husband has given me since we started dating went to. Which is sad because I had a few from when he still liked me, and there were some pretty nice things in those cards that I doubt I will ever see written on paper and given to me again. So it goes.

I'm also pretty shy about publicly announcing my affections for anyone, really. I think I have maybe had 3 things on FB through my entire FB career in regards to my husband that weren't either making fun of him or referencing him through a youtube link to a guy getting kicked in the balls. Why? Because it makes me feel all squirmy inside. I get weirded out with the thought of presenting my love to the world on a silver platter. Plus, I have an internal image I'm trying to uphold, and that person is cool as hell and doesn't have time for petty things like feelings, bah.

But sometimes, I start to feel bad about my inability to express my affections for the people I love. And there is no other day in the entire year that makes me feel more romantically inept than Valentine's Day. It really is a double edged sword since not only do I need to fake being romantically gifted on the giving end of things, I also need to fake enthusiasm for receiving whatever comes my way in the form of home made dinners, flowers by the dozen, teddy bears holding hearts, and boxes of chocolate that I don't even like.

Now I know most of you other cynical bastards simply refuse to celebrate Valentines Day and don't buy in to the holiday that is about forced consumerism. And on the one hand, yes, I agree. But on the other hand, I think--especially if you are cynical--that it becomes really easy to take the people in your life for granted, and Valentines Day is always my wake up call to try a little harder to show the people I love that I do. You cant always just assume people know, and Feb 14th is my yearly reminder to get over myself and get my act together.

So today's posting is in honor of everyone out there that has a hard time showing people how they feel, like I do. I have found there are simple ways to make the uncomfortable process of showing emotions, easier. In the next few days, take time out to do a nice thing for someone you care about. Give them a card that tells them what your relationship with them means to you, but for the love of god leave the room when they are reading it, and if they start reading it out loud, you can legally punch them in the face. Or take someone out to get their favorite food--it doesn't have to be fancy and expensive, just something you know they really like. Or sure, go ahead, even buy someone valentines flowers, but to make it less embarrassing, the card should read something like "I bought you these because your farts are making the house smell really bad, and I was hoping this bouquet would help"

Being romantically ungifted doesn't have to be your disability anymore. You can do this. I for one am planning on buying my husband a 12 packet of Reese's hearts, and making homemade tacos--why you can eat like 15 of these without getting full is a scientific mystery-- for our valentines evening, and I'm sure it will end up splendidly.

So Happy Valentines Day. I love you. There I said it. But don't get used to this or anything.
~Maria