Alright so I often discuss my issues with social media and how I believe it's collectively lowering the IQ of the planet. Today Id like to focus in on a specific aspect of social media: Relationships. I don't care if you like boys or girls or girls that used to be boys. No one is exempt from the type of shit that consistently piles up in my newsfeed or twitterbox-- I made that up, I like it better than saying tweets.
What I'm referring to is the frequency of how many people--mainly women--find the need to gush about the love they share with their significant other on a regular basis in the very public setting of social media. And by gush I mean heavily over exaggerate the level of happiness and fun they share with their partners in their day to day lives. And by heavily over exaggerate I mean, gross misrepresentations of the truth. And by gross misrepresentations I mean you're fucking lying.
Now, just because I'm a jaded piece of crap, doesn't mean the rest of the world is. I understand that. I get it. It makes sense to me. But--and herein lies the key to the issue--no one, in any relationship that has ever happened in the history of the world, is 100% in puppy love with their significant other, 100% of the time. It's just not possible. We are humans, ergo, we fuck up and do annoying shit on a pretty reliable schedule. And let me clarify here, I'm not saying that by not being 100% in puppy love it means that you are in any way unhappy or that you want to end the relationship--in fact making it past the puppy love stage and still wanting to be with your partner is an accomplishment. It just means that you are not constantly looking at each other with googley eyes while you sit on a beach under a sky full of stars and rainbows and butterflies while writing poetry about how your souls are entwined on a level beyond comprehension in every plane of existence. That's not reality. But its something we have been conditioned to believe is the necessary recipe for conjugal bliss because of things like this:
For those of you thinking, "stop being a bitch Maria, people are happy, and its not their fault that you don't feel the same things for your partner that they do" I say to you firstly, go fuck yourself, and secondly, that's the thing though. I DO feel all the things they talk about and post and say. In fact, I may even be more of a loser when it comes to liking your sig other in that I tell my husband on a daily basis how handsome he is--hes real man-pretty in the facial area. I also love how his BO smells. And I let him pop zits on my face because it brings him joy. The difference is--aside from the last 3 sentences--I don't broadcast the really personal shit we do across the social media world. Why?
I do not want to know your personal relationship details. Its called personal because its supposed to stay between you and your life partner. **Side Note**Lets not overlook that initial stage of actual puppy love, where even I can admit to posting some truly inappropriate and annoying shit via social media. See below via 2005. Thanks Timeline! **Edit** For some reason, the text is insanely small now--it wasn't before I swear it. If its worth it to you, copy it to your desktop and then zoom in. If not, know that I sound like a douchehole.
Aside from that, if you have been in a relationship for over a year, and are a person who feels the urge to have daily social media updates about how wonderful your relationship is, how much in love you are, the kinds of things you do for each other, and if you feel the need to write in a way that you don't normally speak, using words like "unstoppable, forever, amazing, unconditional, magical, mind blowing, wonderful, soul mate", you should know, I automatically red flag your relationship as "troubled". Because most people who feel the need to always wear the mask, and do the old song and dance routine, are covering up an ugly face , or are trying to distract you from the fact that they are homeless and sad and dancing for pennies in the gutter. Did that make sense? It did in my head. You get it, you're smart people.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, be real B's. You don't have to always give the impression that you are the happiest person on the planet because you woke up to the delightful smells of a fart trapped under the covers emanating from your lovers ass. Life is life, relationships are part of life, and they sometimes suck, and sometimes they are just as wonderfully amazingly unconditionally mind blowing as you say they are, but most of the time they are just normal. And that's ok.
Throw me a bone once in a while. If you are someone who likes to share your love life with the world, also let me know if your lover left a wet towel on your side of the bed this morning or if he/she forgot to take out the trash before you left on vacation and you came home to a house full of cockroaches and vagrant opossums. Those are the kind of things that bring me joy. That's the kind of stuff I want to hear about. The dirty dirty. That's what makes life interesting. So go forth in your social media daily routines, but for the love of Ray Jay, remember to be real.
Thank you for your cooperation. I hope you have a enjoyable weekend
~Maria
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