1) Decide to go grocery shopping
2) Put it off for 3 days
3) Wake up on morning of 4th day and say fuckkkk we have to go today for sure
4) Think about what we should have for dinner for the next 7 nights
5) Become too overwhelmed and decide to plan for 3 nights
6) Spend a cumulative total of 45 minutes looking for new recipes to try
7) Become too overwhelmed and decide to make 2 of the 5 go to meals that are on rotation every 9 days and focus on only one new meal
8) Begin to make list on paper because every time you do a list in your phone you end up dropping the god damn thing while trying to juggle cart pushing and you are one screen crack away from Sudden Instant PhoneDeath Syndrome
9) Begin the 25-45 minute process of getting 2 small children and yourself ready to do anything outside your home
10) Go back upstairs 14 times for the things you forgot to bring down the other 13 times
11) Get everyone in the car
12) Go back inside for grocery list you left on counter
13) Go back inside for epipens you left on counter
14) Go back inside for kid snack you left on counter that's a necessity because its almost fucking noon and by the time you finally get backed out of the driveway they will both be yelling because they are hungry
15) Drive to grocery store
16) Extract both kids from vehicle
17) Carry 50lbs of kid into store
18) Wait 3 minutes while oldest child picks out the right car cart to ride in
19) Strap baby into baby seat, make sure oldest put his seat belt on to prevent unplanned escapes
20) Obtain groceries, place into cart
21) Backtrack 7 times because even though you have a list you still manage to either:
a) forget to write things down that you think of in store
b) get distracted and miss items actually on the list because you never bring a pen to cross items off
22) Unload groceries onto conveyor belt
23) Pay for groceries
24) Pack up groceries into many small bags
25) Put small bags into cart
26) Argue with older child about why he cant eat a raw potato while leaving store
27) Push cart out to car
28) Unload children into car hopefully with as little reenactment of Fight Club scenes as possible
29) Unload groceries into car
30) Return cart to cart corral
31) Push all the other shittily put back carts all the way to the back of the corral because we are a god damn majestic species not a hovel full of crap slinging monkeys you garbagepeople so lets start acting like it FUCK
32) Get into vehicle
33) Take 25 second brain nap from sensory overload
34) Drive back home
35) Begin to unload groceries from car with kids still strapped in--this is crucial. Leave them restrained or you will add 47 more steps to the list
36) Set all 15 bags on counter because you will gladly break fingers to not have to make multiple trips
37) Extract children from car
38) Remove outdoor clothing from children
39) Begin to hastily start throwing things on plates for lunch as children whine
40) Turn on movie to lull them into a quiet stupor while eating before the milk spoils on the counter
41) Begin to unpack groceries
42) Realize the fridge and pantry need to be decluttered
43) Declutter them while putting away new items and stacking dirty tupperware on counter because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes
44) Look around at the piles of shit everywhere and take 15 seconds to cry silently in the bathroom
45) Get third wind
46) Put away the last items with a triumphant gleam in eye
47) End Scene: Grocery level complete
