Interview with Cecelia Gimenez

Good Morning People of the World! Ive been extremely absent for many months. Who knew that growing a fetus would make you tired and focus on other things. My good writer friend recently wrote about making yourself write through crappy times or busy times or just don't give a shit times, and I decided she has a point, I should probably write something soon before I forgot how to form basic sentences and start using LOL and BRB in everyday conversation, at which point I would need to just take myself out. Since I kind of enjoy living, I bit the bullet and here we are. We've come full circle. I feel majestic for some reason. Like Simba when Rafiki lifted him over that gorge in whatever form of baptism dirty heathen animals practice.

Ok so I recently read about some shit going down in Spain. Apparently some old broad there took it upon herself to restore some priceless religious artifact that was hanging up in some church slowly decaying and people are going completely insane over her lack of artist ability and destruction of a piece of religious history. She has basically been torn a new asshole for her layman's 'restoration' of this thing, and the country is up in arms over her defacement of the beautiful face of Jesus Christo.  This is what the fresco looked like before CeCe got her shriveled tiny mits on it:

As luck would have it, I was able to lock down an interview with this infamous woman before she is thrown from the cliffs of Castellfollit de la Roca by an angry mob of Catholics. So Id like to give a big Midwest Welcome to the feisty Cecelia Gimenez

M-"Good Morning Cecelia, first of all thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to Skype with me this glorious day"

C-"Eh yes, that's fine, very good. Please be excused from my English. In Espana, the country, she dubs everything. We do not learn the English. I watch the 30 Rock in Spanish, its good, I like woman that eats food products all day"

M-"Oh right, Tina Fey, yeah shes great. So Cecelia, lets get right into it. It seems like you are in a bit of trouble right now with a good portion of your town."

C-"Eh yes. They all very much have the anger at me now. I do not know why."

M-"I think it may have something to do with that Jesus face you took some puff paint to a few days ago"

C-"I don't know what you are speaking about"

M-"Cecelia....... Cecelia, your PR rep agreed this would be a candid, honest interview, a chance for you to clear the air over here in America"

C-"Ok ok ok, keep your hat on your face, I talk I talk. So it happens in this direction. I help out at the church. The priest at the church say to me "CeCe, go fix that wall painting of Jesus Christo" and I say "ok Priest, whatever you say boss" so I take my nieta's Crayola colorwater painting tool, and I do the fixes. No biggie. I just fix the face of Jesus, because I am good Catholic and I do what the Priest he tells me. Now everybody mad mad mad"

M-"So the Priest asked you to do it.Why do you think the priest chose you to perform this special task? Do you have a background in fresco restoration or art history?"

C-"He pick me because he too lazy to do the thing on his own time. Also, I sell the painted leaves with angel faces, animals, whatever you ask for on them on Etsy. I'm thinking that maybe having something to do with this? I don't know, I'm not that Priest, I cant say"

M-"Alright, that makes sense, a Priest, someone you feel has religious superiority over you, tells you to restore a wall painting, and you being the good Catholic you are, do what he says, and make the fixes. Makes sense."

C-"Eh yes that's what happen. I do what he says. I don't need to go to hell for telling Priest 'No, do painting on your own time Priest!' I'm not the uncle of a monkey, I don't sassback to Priest"

M-"Thats understandable. They do carry those stick things sometimes. I imagine getting hit over the head with one would result in a sizeable knot. So how long did it take you to complete this restoration and how long until someone noticed it and the shit hit the fan?"

C-"Ehhhh it take about like 15-20 minutos. I said in other sentence that I paint leaves and sell them on internet. I have pretty good speed at painting now, so it no take that long. I finish painting on Jesus on Tuesday. I start getting phone calling on Friday. It take 3 whole days for people at my church to notice the nice work I do for them. They lack of the respect. Shame on they heads I wish it"

M-"Wow, only 15 minutes? Thats pretty impressive Cecelia. I cant even make myself finish coloring in one page in a coloring book, let alone complete an entire fresco restoration in a quarter of an hour. You got mad skills woman."

C-"Eh yes. I have the skills that are mad. I am good at painting the things. I make many Euros on internet. I no understand why people are having this anger towards myself. I do good work for Priest, for God, for church, for Jesus."

M-"I agree, you were just doing what you thought was right. Sometimes that backfires though unfortunately. So after having time to think this over, are you still convinced that your restoration is a good one? I actually have a copy of the faceJesus right here. I'm going to hold it up to the screen CeCe and then you tell me your thoughts on your work now after the fact, ok?"

C-"Eh yes, ok good, show me the photo picture copy"

M-"Can you see it ok?"

C-"Eh yes. I see it. I see the glowing beauty of the Lord of the Jews and Catholics, Jesus Christos."

M-"Alright, so you're saying that even now, you maintain this is a beautiful painting?"

C-"Eh yes, of course it is beauty. That is the face of a man that saves all of the worlds from the devil and the Mitt Romney"

M-"Oh haha I wasnt aware you were in tuned to the political situation going on over here, but yes, the devil and Romney have some similar qualities, I can understand that comparison. Well Cecelia, you seem like a very strong women, secure in her convictions. You say the Priest told you to do it, and you are somehow convinced that this baby lemur with a neckbeard that you painted is beautiful, so really, who am I to tell you its not"

C-"Eh yes, thank you for understanding the troubles I go through in this time. I do the work that I feel was right, and it makes me hurt in the feelings that the people of the church do not enjoy the glory I paint to the Lord."

M-"Well Cecelia, after an interview like that, I think you should know, America is on your side. Dont let the haters bring you down. You were following orders, to the best of your ability, and most importantly, its a fucking painting on a wall. Nothing to have an aneurysm over considering the current state of the World. So hang in there little mama, things will be better soon."

C-"Ehhh my thanks to the people in the Americas for not getting the anger at me like the people of Espana. I send you some leaves with baby lambs on them in a way to show you my happiness at you."

M-"Sounds great CeCe. Keep on trucking, and have a good weekend"