For some reason, the Midwest has been blessed so far this year in that we haven't had any earth shattering snowstorms yet. As nice as it has been to still be experiencing 55 degree days in the middle of November, this milder start to winter has forced me to acknowledge the fact that its not going to snow a substantial amount any time soon, so I better go outside and actually deal with the thousands of leaves that have congregated inside our fence. There will be no early snow to save me this year , and for that, I say fuck you global warming...or mother nature....or jesus...or whoever is in charge of weather, I'm not really sure, I haven't been to church in like 9 years.
To be clear, I don't actually mind the raking part of dealing with leaves. Its a pretty good work out and the autistic side of me really enjoys putting things into piles. Its the bagging that makes me want to die a thousand deaths. Because I suck at it. In fact, 2 years ago--last year we were blessed with early snow, so I didn't rake at all and in the spring we were treated to a backyard that was basically 7 giant patches of dead grass--I raked the leaves into like 23 piles, looked at my handiwork, thought "good job Maria" and then just turned around and washed my hands of the entire affair. I think the piles sat there for a few weeks before my husband was finally like "wtf, we cant just leave those there"
I have lived in this state my entire life. I have been forced to participate in raking duties since I was 10. By all estimations, I should know how to bag a piles of leaves, in fact I should be far superior in my bagging abilities than someone from a more mild climate. But I'm not. I'm terrible. I have tried various bagging methods, I have purchased different bag holders, nothing works. I like to think some of it has to do with the fact that I have tiny alligator arms, and maybe because I'm not able to reach as far or hold as many that the frustration mounts and I just get to a point of indifference quicker than other people.
Much like the noble T-rex here, my disability causes me immense frustration, and I end up getting annoyed somewhere between bag one and two. My neighbors all either have normal people sized arms or fancy machines that suck up the leaves for them. Unfortunately, the amazing leaf sucking machine that our backyard neighbor owns, doesn't fit through our gate, so I sit in my house, looking out the window in envy as he sweeps his yard clean of debris while remaining seated. But such is life. I awoke this morning with the same stumpy arms, and I know that tomorrow I must do this task that I hate more than most any other yard related duty.
So to all of you out there facing the same dreadful task this weekend, I wish you the best of luck. May your leaves be few, and your reach be long. A thousand blessings upon your bag choice, and may a strong breeze pick up during the night, so that you awake to a yard void of foliage, as it has all blown into someone else's yard, and is thus, now their problem.
Love you forever,
~Maria
